Yesterday night, my dad and I were having a heated discussion, when my 7-year old sister walked into the room. We weren’t actually saying anything at that point, but she must have sensed some lingering tension because she sat beside me and with a smiling face whispered to me that age-old golden rule, “If you can’t say something nice then don’t say anything at all.” It’s amazing how children can sense things while we continue to assume that they are too young to understand.
At the family camp I attended last weekend, one of the speakers said something that has been floating around in my mind all week, “Hurt people, hurt people.” People who are hurt, hurt other people with their words and actions. How much more peaceful would life be if we kept this in mind? And it’s a two-way street. When I am hurt, I have to be careful not to project this hurt towards others, and if someone hurts me, I must keep in mind that they may be hurt. The fact that I am hurt is no excuse for me to lash out towards someone else (most likely someone I care about), but it might help that person to understand my behavior.
Naturally, this is easier said than done. A hurt person is vulnerable and their self-control is reduced, it takes discipline to restrain one’s self from hurting others. Further, knowing that a person is hurt doesn’t diminish the effect of being hurt. It’s difficult to not take things personally. Just because I realize that the person facing me is under stress, going through difficulties, etc, it doesn’t mean that this person can’t still cause me pain. I suppose this is why “Hurt people, hurt people” is stated as a given, almost like a rule. The worst part of the situation is that if I am hurt and if I lash at out somebody, more than likely I am going to target this hurt towards people that I feel comfortable with, the people I care about, my family.
Well, it’s definitely something to keep in mind, and as long as it’s a rule, there is room for exceptions.
Hurt people hurt people is a great line. I recently was involved in some, well, unpleasantness, and another person involved lashed out repeatedly and very publicly. I bit my tongue (which is very hard for me) because I knew she was hurt. How is that for abstract description to the point of meaninglessness? Now I have a way to conceptualize my reaction, which hopefully will help me the next time I'm in that situation.
ReplyDeleteI like this. I work with lots of angry and troubled teenagers (and their parents). These words will be very useful for all of us. Thanks.
ReplyDeleteMy father pointed out the same thing to me long ago and said that I shouldn't let others dictate how I feel during the day. Just because they are having a bad day, doesn't mean that I have to let them influence me and put me in a bad mood.
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